Three generations run - and work in - an upscale brothel in a CBS real-life movie starring (l-r) Annabella Sciorra, Dominique Swain and Ellen Burstyn.

October 29, 2004 -- IF you've about had it with answering the door to trick or treaters by 9 o'clock Sunday night, lock the door and hunker down for some wickedly good fun with the CBS original Sun day night movie, "The Madam's Family: The Truth About the Canal Street Brothel."

CBS has made a cottage industry out of this true story of a New Orleans family - grandmother, mother and teenaged daughter - who worked at and operated a popular New Orleans brothel until they were busted in 2001.

First broadcast as a news story on "48 Hours Investigates," it tells the tale of three generations of women who claim to have run one of the best little whorehouses in the Big Easy.

The grandma, Tommie, played by the great Ellen Burstyn (looking - appropriately enough on Halloween - like Vampira with long, pitch-black hair and too-white makeup), earned her living as a prostitute while her daughters were growing up.

One of her daughters, Jeannette (Annabella Sciorra), who was left alone from a very early age with the passing parade of "uncles," turned her first trick for a quarter before she was even in her teens.

By the time she was 16, she'd given birth to her own daughter, Monica (Dominique Swain), who also grew up to be a prostitute, giving birth to a daughter of her own while she was still in her teens.

According to the movie, the women were busted when one of their clients - a good-time slimy doc - was picked up by the feds for massive Medicare fraud. To save his own sorry aspirin, he gave up the women. Easy as the case seemed to be, a problem arose for the investigators who planned their raid of the brothel right around September 11, 2001. When the rest of the country got wind of the fact that terrorists were moving freely about the country, taking flying lessons and building bombs while the feds were wasting our tax dollars spying on and recording their comings and goings of whores and Johns in an upscale brothel, all hell broke loose.

It ain't rocket science, but it's a lot of fun - especially when you find out how the case was finally settled.

The script lacks heart, but so do the women. It's tough to dredge up much empathy for women who rear their own to become working girls, too.

But it's perfect Sunday night candy after a day of handing it out to the kids. And I promise you, nobody will show up at your house dressed anything like these ladies. Or maybe they will - you lucky dog you!

After a book I am emotionally exhausted. If you are not you have not transferred the emotion completely to the reader. Anyway that is the way it works with me.—Hemingway to Charles Scribner, Jr., 1952

Bush admitted that his pre-war intelligence wasn't what it should have been. But we knew that when we elected him! -- Jay Leno

Have been very hard on this book. She pretty near over. All that remains now is to perform the unperformable miracle you have to always do at the end..—Hemingway to Archibald MacLeish, 1936

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

                                                GEORGE W. BUSH

                                                         We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle of the road here. AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring                                     greater services to the American people.                                                

Scott took LITERATURE so solemnly. He never understood that it was just writing as well as you can and finishing what you start.—Hemingway, to Arthur Mizener, 1950

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.  We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read   too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.  We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.   We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.   We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We   write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.   These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and  nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.    Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to   you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
  HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes
   age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,
   crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you
gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether
it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants,  hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.  If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them,  at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. If you don't send this to at least 8 people....who cares?--George Carlin (A  McK.)
     

                                                    COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.                                                          

                                                                   HANZ BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been                                    allowed access to the other side of the road.                                     

                                                         MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.                                         

                                                         RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.                                                          

                                                         PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.                                               

                                                         RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from                                             you to build roads for chickens to cross.

                                                                MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!                                                   

                                                         ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.                                                          

                                                         MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without                                   having their motives called into question.

                                                GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.                                                           

                                                           BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.                                                           

                                                         JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.                                                 

                                                             ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.                                                  

                                                         KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

                                                    RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

                                                               CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.                                                           

                                                         SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.                                                          

                                               BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads,                                                          but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and                                                        

Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.                                                          

                                                         ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?                  

                                                         BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?                                                         

                                                         COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

                                                      

GREAT CONCEPT + UNIQUE CHARACTERS = GOOD STORY

Policy Analysis by Peter Nagler, Federal Energy Regulatory Commission:

In the beginning was the Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without Substance.

And Darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

And the Workers spoke amongst themselves saying, "It is a crock of shit and

it stinks."

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a crock of dung and we cannot live with the smell."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of

organic waste, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It

promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "It has

very powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

And that is how Shit Happens.

Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah...on her 70+  birthday. Maya really is a marvel who has led quite an interesting and exciting life. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there  on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many,  occurring everyday...like her breasts.  They seem to be in a race to see which  will reach her waist first.  The audience laughed so hard they cried. 

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad
it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:
a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree
lights. I've learned that regardless of your
relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when
they're gone from your life. I've learned that making
a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second
chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through
life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to
be able to throw something.

King G.: He not only wants to make money from this deal, but said, “I want to enjoy it.”

KJA: I don’t mind enjoying it if I have to.—11/12/04, telcon

As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the
White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
--H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) [via David Ad.]

WORDS WITH TWO MEANINGS (MALE VS. FEMALE VERSIONS) [via Steve A.]

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.

Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another

Male........Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female...A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.....Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-expression, male
bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up having sex.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female..A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.....A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

There is this really great short story in The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury called "Kaleidoscope." A rocket ship carrying a dozen or so astronauts explodes, scattering the crew members into outer space. They are flying apart at thousands of miles an hour in their spacesuits, fully conscious and able to communicate with one another, but individually they are alone and being hurled to their own deaths. As one man named Hollis careens toward the earth's atmosphere he listens to other people's final reflections, both happy and embittered, and he realizes he has never really lived but always played it safe, always envied people who had the guts to enjoy life and take chances, and he realizes for the first time that he has nursed a secret resentment against them. Yet nothing--not resentment nor cowardice nor regret--could do anything for him now:

"It was gone. When life is over it is like a flicker of bright film, an instant on the screen, all of its prejudices and passions condensed and illumined for an instant on space, and before you could cry out, 'There was a happy day, there a bad one, there an evil   face, there a good one,' the film burned to a cinder, the screen went dark. From this outer edge of his life, looking back, there was only one remorse, and that was only that he wished to go on living. Did all dying people feel this way, as if they had never lived? Did life seem that short, indeed, over and done before you took a breath? Did it seem this abrupt and impossible to everyone, or only to himself, here, now, with a few hours left to him for thought and deliberation?"

So in Hollis' final desperate moments he realizes that there isn't anything good he can do to make up for the lost years because now he is all alone. The realization has come too late and there is no one around that he can do good to. But then he thinks: "Tomorrow night I'll hit Earth's atmosphere. I'll burn and be scattered in ashes all over the continental lands. I'll be put to use. Just a little bit, but ashes are ashes and they'll add to the land." This gives him some comfort. Then he thinks: "I wonder if anyone will see me?"

Meanwhile on earth: "The small boy on the country road looked up and screamed. 'Look, Mom, look, a

falling star!' The blazing white star fell down the sky of dusk in Illinois. 'Make a wish,' said his mother. 'Make a wish . . .'"

My lute set aside

On the little table,

Lazily I meditate

On cherished feelings.

The reason I don’t bother

To strum and pluck?

There’s a breeze over the strings

And it plays itself.—Po Chu-I [via Una Vida, Nicholas Bazan/Jonathan Flaum, MS]

…Such deep silence on those nights—

just the sound of my typing

and a few stars singing a song their mother

sang when they were mere babies in the sky.

--Billy Collins, “Royal Aristocrat” (Nine Horses)  

TOP 25 COUNTRY SONGS THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing Someone Else.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is.......
1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few
--via D. Adashek

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

 The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

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The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

 Spades - King David

 Hearts  – Charlemagne

 Clubs  -- Alexander, the Great

 Diamonds - Julius Caesar

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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Only two people signed the Declaration of  Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All invented by women.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

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~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will have tried to lick their elbow

THE 10 CORE BELIEFS

These are the beliefs that are unique to all peak-performing men and women.

1.      Winners are not born, they are made.

2.      The dominant force in your existence is the way you think.

3.      You can create your own reality.

4.      There is some benefit to be had from any adversity.

5.      Each one of your beliefs is a choice.

6.      You are never defeated until you accept defeat as a reality and stop trying.

7.      The only real limitations on what you can accomplish are those you impose on yourself.

8.      You already possess the ability to excite in at least one key area of your life.

9.      There can be no great success without great commitment.

10.  You need the support and cooperation of other people to achieve any worthwhile goal.

From Booklist
"Granite" McKay is a Harlem hustler who owns the social club G-Spot, where high rollers spend $1,000 just to enter. The favors include dancers, drinks, drugs, and sex. G always chooses a beautiful virgin to show off and claim for himself. His woman of the moment is 19-year-old Juicy Stanfield. G took in Juicy and her younger brother, Jimmy, after their grandmother's death. G pays for Juicy's college education, but he also controls and intimidates her. G's son, Gino, returns to Harlem after his college graduation to help his father establish a new club. Juicy and Gino begin a hot affair that causes G's whole operation to regroup. G's pride forces him to flex his muscles, Jimmy is determined to save his sister, Gino is finished with his father, and Juicy faces horrible mental and physical torture. This is being billed as an urban erotic tale, and it lives up to the billing. Lillian Lewis
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

“Biting my truant pen,

eating myself for spite:

“Fool!” said my Muse to me,

“look in thy heart and write.”

--Philip Sidney

CHINESE GOOD LUCK TANTRA TOTEM:

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to.
3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, “I love you,” mean it.
5. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.
6. Believe in love at first sight.
7. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.
8. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
9. In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.
10. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
11. Talk slowly but think quickly.
12. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
13. Remember that great love and great achievements involve risk.
14. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
15. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
16. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
17. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
18. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
19. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
20. Spend some time alone.

The selfish trouble is that I myself have had to put up with these seriously annoying faults for so long that I’ve almost come to think other people can bear them. I am the one who wakes up nearest to myself, and the continual horror that comes from the realization of this individuality has made me almost to believe that the reactions of others to my horrible self…are small enough, in comparison.—Dylan Thomas, to Henry Treece [via New Yorker]

LOUISIANA GHOST STORY

This happened about a month ago just outside of Cocodrie, a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.

This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a  real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by.

It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped into the car and closed the door only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.

Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the bayou and he would surely drown!

But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.

Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again!

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience.

A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth (and not just some drunk).

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot dat rode in our car when we wuz pushin it in de rain." [via Cousin Pam D.]

I’m sick of my always hurdygurdying these little griefs out and me like a monkey on the top of it all with my beggar’s cap.—Dylan Thomas, to Princess Marguerite Caetani

And perhaps these are the most precious relationships of all, where the care is so deep that speaking about it could never do it justice or better define the wordless mystery that transpires between two people who simply enjoy being kind to each other.—Una Vida

“Thirteen 4’s!”—Izumi, opening bid, liar’s dice, Ogikubo, 12/19/04 (with five players)

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The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

·         The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

·         The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

·         USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

·         The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

·         The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

·         The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

·         The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

·         The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

·         The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country...or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy -- provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

·         The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

It is said that Otafuku was born at the beginning of time, in the mists of Japan’s creation. Her name then was Uzume…the one, in Japan’s most famous myth, who performed a dance outside the cave where the Sun Goddess had hidden herself. Uzume’s dance made the 800 gods and goddesses laugh so loud that the Sun Goddess could not contain her curiosity. She emerged from the cave and brought light to the world.